It often takes heartbreak to become stronger.

It often takes a sense of great loss to realise what we deserve.

It always takes falling for the wrong person to make us aware of who’s really right for us.

Often, it’s not until long after the grief ends that we realise that what is gone was never meant to be ours. It takes time and healing to gain perspective and understand the lessons life had to teach us. It is only after this immense sense of loss that we know we can do better. We deserve better, we deserve happiness, and we must stop settling.

I’ve discovered over the years that many factors contribute to our generation’s propensity to settle. Perhaps we are insecure, perhaps we are lonely, in a lot of cases perhaps we lack self love and caring. We tend to see the good in everyone, even when the opposite is blindingly apparent. We believe we can condition others to act and live the way we so desperately want them to. We create fictitious connections that in reality only play out in our imaginations. Our imaginations drive fantasies which blind us from the uncomfortable reality that we, once again, have settled for.

We stay with those who are familiar because they might offer comfort, but more than likely we only stay because the thought of starting over is unbearable. We focus on and internally inflate what small and inconsistent pleasures they offer us, just to keep our heads above the water. We spend so much time on this that we forget how much is missing, how much more we need and how much more we deserve.

Unfortunately, it takes losing ourselves to be found again. It takes finally digesting the truth to rebuild our hearts and it takes days, months and even years to get over losing those we love, even when that love was never returned.

With every closed door we open many others and in doing so bring ourselves closer to where we should be. In not settling we allow life to offer us what was always meant to be there.

Make the most of everything good in your life, appreciate the people who came and stayed and above all be unwavering in your pursuit of what, and who, truly makes your whole.

Tim Kavermann

Tim is the Founder and Creative Director at Fuel Media Limited, and the passionate lifestyle writer here at To Whom It May Concern. He resides on the beautiful North Shore in Auckland, New Zealand.